From Me to You: My Christian Journey

Whenever I consider thinking about my faith, my "so-called" devotion to Jesus, I often stop and wonder: " Am i really standing up for God? Am i authentic? That is the reason I am writing you this story about how God gave hope to my life and how the same God is inspiring me to share this story to you.

I'm a pretty well-behaved kid and I seldom get into trouble. Maybe because I don't like getting hurt or abused, or maybe I'm just protected. However which way, there's a common denominator i share with everybody else in this world: I am a sinner. At first I didn't care. So what? Everybody else is a sinner anyway? why be anxious about it? As long as i'm not as bad as "so-and-so", or as long as i'm no burden to somebody else... Besides, i think i'm well-behaved enough to merit God's mercy and love. If ever i do make a mistake, I think God is kind enough and loving enough to forgive me, and forget my mistake and let me into heaven someday...hopefully.

My mom shared to me about Jesus (and His death on the cross, His sacrifice, and about everyone being a sinner, and everyone's going to hell, so we have to accept Jesus in our hearts and make Him our Lord and Savior) when i was eight years old, and thankfully enough, forced me into going to church and singing songs in front of people, and being a member of a children's sunday school. Even buying tapes about Jesus for me to play and sing along, but after it all, I guess i'm really not interested in God at all. I grew up thinking going to heaven (that was an unbreakable promise of God, as told by my church) was enough and i could do whatever i pleased as long as i don't "cross the line"...whatever that is by exact definition.

it was until i fell in-love with music and it's performance and power, that God slowly crept into my attention, and started this most wonderful journey i'm now embarking. At first, I was into slow-rock songs about love and acoustic riffs. Anything with a high male voice, and a slick solo guitar was into my fan list. A little angst about a girl leaving you and breaking your heart was the next thing that filled my senses. I loved songs about anger and hate, noise and heavy guitars. Slowly, my interest shifted to deeper poetry, and rebellion. Dark themes and even death started to get my attention. I often thought about how to make people think the way i thought, and i loved to be with rebellion-oriented groups. As a young person, i loved thrilling activities...the more dangerous, the better. It was a great time honestly, i don't deny that.

But God has a way of using certain circumstances in your life, good or bad, to His purpose. My devotion to certain philosophies such as standing up for what you believe in, acceptance without judgment, having a good time as long as you're not hurting anyone, the more dangerous-the better, etc. were stepping stones to God's greater plan in my life.

I got forced into a youth group in our church just as I was a neophyte in a high-school fraternity. It was also the time when I was dumped by my long-time high school sweetheart for someone else. i also despised my parents for not giving me what i expected parents should give their children. I thought back then it was everybody's fault except mine. This youth group was at first boring and i really thought everyone else there were kinda weird and different. Slowly, God's wisdom and great love overwhelmed my heart and changed rebellion to dedication, hate into acceptance, anger to forgivness, and most of all, desperation to hope. I remembered all my mom and dad used to teach me, my church's sunday school lessons were now applicable in a deeper level, my knowledge of God became suddenly extremely small, that I became illiterate and dumb, making me hunger for more about His Words.

however, i wasnt really ready to give-up all my bad-habits. But surely enough, God can change a heart of stone.

To be continued...